Friends, recently water has been indicted by the so-called “creative” types (read: Suits) in Hollywood. We are in a time of crisis: water-based education has fallen by the wayside. Instead, we are preposterously led to believe that water is the enemy, capable of profound death and destruction worldwide.

I am talking, of course, about the mother of all doomsday motion pictures, “2012,” directed by “filmmaker,” and I use that word loosely, Roland Emmerich.

Figure 1. NOT GUILTY

You might say, “WaterBoyz, this isn’t the first time water has fallen under attack!”

You would be correct to point that out! Hollywood has poisoned water’s good name before. If we look at a brief history of filmmaking, the attack on water IS RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES. Behold:

Figure 2. Hollywood reveals itself as a Habitual H20 Hater.

Figure 3. Water was framed…by SHARKS.

Figure 4. My “scientist” friends tell me the whole physics of this is impossible. An insidious attack on both water AND science…

Figure 5. Another Roland Emmerich joint. YAWN.

Figure 6. Kevin Costner single-handedly ruined SOME ASPECTS of water for me: during the summer of ’95 I was terrifically afraid of bath-water.

Let’s stop this ludicrous display together. If you feel like our reader “ninja norm”: “sick and tired of hearing about water’s role in tsunamis, hurricanes, and riptides” the WaterBoyz urge you to write your congressman as soon as possible.